Creating Calm

Choosing peace over chaos

I’m looking for the answer to this question: Are you a Chaos Creator or Calm Creator?

Rosie As A Child

When I was a kid, my parents wanted to create an environment of calm. They took it very literally and for the first 22 months of my life (until my baby brother was born) they only whispered, listened to calming classical music, musicals or shows where music prominently featured.

And when I think about my demeanor in this moment, I think their strategy worked.

I worked events for a big part of my career. And if you’ve ever planned a big event or planned your own wedding, you know that events are the opposite of calm. Routinely, there would be fires and fury going on around me, I often heard from my team ask em this question: How are you so calm right now?

The truth is, I didn’t even realize I was being calm, I was simply defaulting to my comfortable and safe space: going inward, finding center, tapping into the reserve of my experience to solve a problem - and only then reacting. There’s no reason to create more chaos, why not create calm instead.

After my brain aneurysm, I had to untangle and reckon with myself to manage my day-to-day stress and kept my anxiety to a minimum. As someone who loves to worry, this is incredibly hard work. I tried a few textbook approaches like drinking chamomile tea, crocheting, and listening to classical music, but I still found myself worrying about the things that were truly outside of my control.

So which is it? Chaos or Calm

A practice I discovered that has guided me through this time is asking myself this simple question during the everyday surges of stress:

Is this creating chaos or calm?
If it’s creating calm, it can stay.
If it’s creating chaos, what can I change?

This has worked with small decisions…Like my overanalyzing of which planter stands to order*, which brand of pull-ups Raine needs, or which menu items I want to plan for dinner each week.

And bigger ones…Like do I have the mental capacity to join a board of directors right now? Or will going to this event I signed up to attend three months ago create more chaos or calm in my day?

It’s a moment to slow down, assess what I want, and if the decision I’m making is creating space for me to rest or space for me to stress. If I’m being honest, the recovery post-brain surgery has forced me to unlearn some bad habits. Habits like saying yes to everything, signing up for events I know I don’t want to go to, overfilling my schedule, staying up late to meet a self-imposed deadline, raising my hand for more when I’m already packed to the brim, and instead prioritizing my rest, my peace, and myself over everything else. This practice has been reflective and has held me accountable for the ways I’ve created unnecessary chaos in my life.

What about you? How are you creating calm and removing chaos in your life? Let me know if you have any tips or tricks. I’m all ears.

Rest+Resist+Rebloom+Reprise

Rest
This brain surgery recovery is no joke. I’m 10 months out and my energy is still (and might forever be) changed. I’m grateful for daycare and midday rests.

Resist
I’ve been a part of the organization Chamber of Mothers since they started their Minneapolis chapter but we’re always growing our reach and expanding our mission. Consider joining us to advocate for paid leave access for all!

Rebloom
If you’re in a season of infertility, pregnancy loss, or adoption loss and are looking for support, we’re building a platform for you. Follow along to share in our journey, get early access to resources, and share with your family, friends, co-workers, or employer that might benefit from this community.

Reprise
I’m always listening to Laura Mvula on repeat but this album specifically speaks to me. Enjoy!

Thank you all, for your continued love and support.

XO,
R

*I’m being a chaos creator and still haven’t ordered the planter stands. Admitting this might just be the push I need.

P.S. Want to catch up on The Head + The Heart? You can do so here.